If you’ve recently broken up with your ex and regretted it, know that you’re not alone. Breakups hurt, whether you’re the dumper or the dumpee. You go from growing up and spending most of your time together, to suddenly having all that taken away. Even if the relationship may have long ended, feelings are still likely to persist between both parties –– which is why some end up back together instead of separating permanently.
If you’re thinking of getting back together, communication is key to rebuilding your relationship. Even if you aren’t in contact with them, it’s still possible to reach out and talk to them again. However, under such circumstances, how should you reach out to them again, and what should you say? Ideally, when trying to get an ex back, you should try to talk without mentioning the relationship you used to have together. If you’re in a similar situation, read on more to find out useful communication tips to do exactly that.
Why Is Communication Important?
Communication is the fundamental aspect of any kind of relationship –– not just romantical ones. It allows you to express yourself to one another through verbal and non-verbal forms (through gestures, attitudes, and even through posture). Creating an open dialogue between your ex and yourself is important if you want to end up back together.
Within relationships, communication provides us with an opportunity to right our wrongs. However, this should only occur once you’re ready to listen to your ex’s words even if they may be hurtful. Waiting for the right moment to open up not only lets you reflect upon the reasons for breaking up, but also shows that you’re ready to listen to their opinions and emotions again –– without being filled with bitterness.
That being said, “communicating” doesn’t necessarily entail that all topics are open. You have to carefully maneuver the conversation to avoid fights and bringing up negative memories, especially when the breakup is still fresh.
How Should You Communicate?
As straightforward as this may seem, you still need to practice sensitivity when talking with your ex — you shouldn’t act like nothing has happened or you’re not affected by the breakup.
Talking About The Breakup
First, both parties have to accept the breakup — that’s the only way you can show that you’re capable of meeting your ex’s expectations and wants. You guys broke up for a reason, and you don’t want to risk making it again. Hence, open communication is key.
Keeping A Distance
Next, you need to learn how to respect your ex’s boundaries. As of now, you’ve probably grown distant towards your ex — and that’s okay. Even if that’s not the case, take a step back and give them time to breathe. This gives your ex time to reflect upon their future with you, make clearer decisions, and perhaps change their attitude. The person you once knew and the person they are now are very different!
When you finally get to the breakup, listen to your ex’s perspective. Put yourself in their shoes and learn how to listen to their experience objectively. Talking about the breakup from your ex’s experience allows you to learn what they are disappointed with, what hurts them, what anger that they’ve been holding onto, and lastly — what made them break up with you.
If you want to successfully get back together with your partner, change is key. A breakup never happens without a reason — regardless of they’re good or bad. Even if you may not understand or sympathize with it, know that choosing to break up isn’t an easy choice. Something significant probably triggered within your ex to push them to just a decision. Hence, self-reflection is necessary to figure out what went wrong and what to improve on.
However, it’s important to not overdo this: you don’t want to end up scaring or harassing your ex away. This time, you have to figure out your bad habits and start working on them. Acting the way you once were isn’t going to get your ex back, or a good starting point for a healthy relationship. You need to show your ex a new side of you –– the new and improved one.
Listen To Yourself
Take time to listen to yourself. You’re going through a rough patch, too. You’re at your wit’s end at trying to come to terms with the breakup. You long for your ex, and you’re under pressure from family and friends about your breakup. You receive countless pieces of advice that you don’t need, which only makes matters worse.
Additionally, you may be facing trouble taking an objective stance and placing distance between your ex and yourself. Perhaps you may be taking things too fast, or approaching them the wrong way. Be honest and sincere about it. Don’t let your heartache take control of your life, because letting yourself go emotionally won’t help anyone.
What Should I Talk To My Ex About?
Regardless of whether you’ve known your partner for years, weeks, or months, things are still going to be awkward after the breakup. What seemed natural just a while ago could be one of the hardest things to deal with now.
Yes, getting the elephant out of the room is bound to happen sooner or later; addressing the current issue head-on is better than pretending that it’s not there. When that happens, steer clear of certain things that you know are trigger points –– such as going on about how depressed you feel. As hard as it is, it’s better to focus on the progress you’ve made. This includes: communicating that you’ve understood, reflected, and accepted what led to the breakup, actions that you’ve made to combat these mistakes, presenting your apologies, and showing that other couples have made it out of similar situations too. However, if you’re still unsure of how to talk to them again, one good rule is to avoid subjects that may trigger past disagreements –– such as who keeps the dog or who drives the car.
Other Common Topics
Other than mentioning the breakup, here are some common topics that you can build a conversation around.
Firstly, share some new activities or personal reflections that you’ve done. This may include picking up a new hobby, a night out with your friends, and some work drama that you’ve seen. Avoid talking about new people, creepy admirers, or eye candies that you’ve seen lately.
Secondly, bring up a special memory that you two once shared. Rather than focusing on your relationship, you want to evoke the feelings you two had during that special moment.
Thirdly, talk about something that they like. For example, if your ex was a huge football fan, you could bring up one of the latest trending matches. However, if you’ve never been a fan, don’t overdo it and do something that isn’t you.
Lastly, don’t forget to ask about their friends and family. This shows that you still care about the people in their lives and your ex’s relationship with them.
Relationships are never easy –– especially rebuilding one that was once broken. This article highlights the importance of open communication and self-reflection for a reason: with enough effort and patience, you’re well on your way to getting back with your ex. Even if things don’t go as planned, these tips will still help you become a better communicator in the long run.